<html><body><div style="color:#000; background-color:#fff; font-family:times new roman, new york, times, serif;font-size:12pt"><div><span></span></div><div>An electron is traveling down a highway, a cop pulls him over and says " do you realize you were traveling at 85 mph", the electron says "great now I'm lost".</div><div><br></div><div><br></div> <div style="font-family: times new roman, new york, times, serif; font-size: 12pt;"> <div style="font-family: times new roman, new york, times, serif; font-size: 12pt;"> <div dir="ltr"> <div class="hr" style="margin: 5px 0px; padding: 0px; border: 1px solid rgb(204, 204, 204); border-image: none; height: 0px; line-height: 0; font-size: 0px;" contenteditable="false" readonly="true"></div> <font face="Arial" size="2"> <b><span style="font-weight: bold;">From:</span></b> John Foege <john.foege@gmail.com><br> <b><span style="font-weight: bold;">To:</span></b> 144. 450 Mailing List
<450@lists.vhfwiki.com> <br> <b><span style="font-weight: bold;">Sent:</span></b> Saturday, January 4, 2014 7:53 PM<br> <b><span style="font-weight: bold;">Subject:</span></b> [450] Fwd: nerd humor<br> </font> </div> <div class="y_msg_container"><br>
<div id="yiv1220786019"><div class="yiv1220786019gmail_quote">---------- Forwarded message ----------<br>From: "John Foege" <<a href="mailto:john.foege@gmail.com" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" ymailto="mailto:john.foege@gmail.com">john.foege@gmail.com</a>><br>Date: Jan 4, 2014 4:36 PM<br>Subject: nerd humor<br>
To: "<a href="mailto:n1ujs@toast.net" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" ymailto="mailto:n1ujs@toast.net">n1ujs@toast.net</a>" <<a href="mailto:n1ujs@toast.net" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" ymailto="mailto:n1ujs@toast.net">n1ujs@toast.net</a>><br><br><div dir="ltr"><div>Theory is when one knows
everything but nothing works. Practice is when everything works but nobody
knows why. In our lab, theory and practice go hand in hand: nothing works and
nobody knows why.<br><br></div>Atoms Converse<br>------------------------<br><div><div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal">Atom #1: I have lost an electron!</div>
<div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal">Atom #2: Are you sure?</div>
<div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal">Atom #1: I am positive.</div><div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal"><br></div><div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal">The Drunken Neutron</div><div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal">-------------------------------<br></div><div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal">A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much
for a beer?” The bartender says, “For you, no charge.”</div><div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal"><br></div><div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal"><span>Heisenberg’s Principle of Uncertainty</span></div><div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal"><span>-----------------------------------------------------</span> <br>
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">Heisenberg was
driving down the Autobahn whereupon he was pulled over by a policeman. The
policeman asked, “Do you know how fast you were going back there?” Heisenberg
replied, “No, but I know where I am.”</div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><br></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">Convergence</div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
-------------------</div><div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal">A
mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were asked to review this
mathematical problem. In a high school gym, all the girls in the class were
lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Then,
every ten seconds, they walked toward each other until they were half the
previous distance apart. The mathematician, physicist, and engineer were asked,
“When will the girls and boys meet?”</div>
<div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal"> </div>
<div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal">The
mathematician said, “Never.”</div>
<div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal"> </div>
<div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal">The
physicist said, “In an infinite amount of time.”</div>
<div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal"> </div>
<div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal">The
engineer said, “Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all
practical purposes.”</div><div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal"><br></div><div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal">Fire</div><div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal">------</div><div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal">An
engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a statistician are all staying at a
hotel. In the middle of the night the engineer wakes up to find that his
trashcan is on fire. He runs to the sink, fills his ice bucket with water and
douses the flames. Then, just to be sure, he runs back to the sink, refills the
bucket and dumps more water into the trashcan. With the fire out, he goes back
to sleep. </div>
<div>A
little while later, the trashcan in the physicist's room spontaneously breaks
into flame, waking the physicist. He whips out his slide rule, does some
calculations, then runs to the sink, fills his bucket with exactly .75 liters
of water, and douses the flames. Having put out the fire, he goes back to
sleep. </div>
<div>A
few minutes later, the mathematician wakes up to see that his trashcan is on
fire. He whips out a piece of paper, scrawls out some equations, then goes back
to sleep, comfortable that a solution exists. </div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Meanwhile,
the statistician is running from room to room lighting trashcans on fire -- he
needed more samples.</div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Binary</div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">---------</div><pre><span style="font-size: 12pt;">There are only 10 different kinds of persons – those who understand binary, and those who do not.<br>
<br></span></pre><pre><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Airline Maintenance<br>---------------------<br><br></span></pre><div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal"><span>After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a
“gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then
pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said
that ground crews lack a sense of humor.</span></div>
<div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal"><span> </span></div>
<div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal"><span>Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by
Qantas’ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S)
by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has
never had an accident.</span></div>
<div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal"><span> </span></div>
<div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal"><span>P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.</span></div>
<div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal">S:
Almost replaced left inside main tire. </div>
<div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal"> </div>
<div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal">P:
Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.</div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span> </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>P: Something loose in cockpit.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>S: Something tightened in cockpit.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span> </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>P: Dead bugs on windshield.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>S: Live bugs on back-order.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span> </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
minute descent.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span> </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>S: Evidence removed.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span> </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>P: DME volume unbelievably loud.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>S: DME volume set to more believable level.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span> </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>S: That's what they're for.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span> </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>P: IFF inoperative.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span> </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>P: Suspected crack in windshield.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>S: Suspect you're right.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span> </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>P: Number 3 engine missing.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span> </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>P: Aircraft handles funny. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span> </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>P: Target radar hums.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span> </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>P: Mouse in cockpit.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span>S: Cat installed.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span> </span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Quote from a Stochastic Differential Equations text</div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------<br>
</div><div class="yiv1220786019MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-CA">We have
not succeeded in answering all our problems. The answers we have found only
serve to raise a whole set of new questions. In some</span></div>
<span lang="EN-CA">ways we
feel we are as confused as ever, but we believe we are confused on a higher
level and about more important things.</span><pre><br></pre></div></div>
</div>
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